Well its been an interesting few weeks. More ups and downs than I would like, but that’s life. God continues to place obstacles in front of me and my family leaving me with one very loud and clear message — surrender and acceptance! I have been forced to accept that I have no alternative other than to live completely in the moment. Sometimes not just week to week or day to day, but literally moment to moment at times.
My law business continues to grow and evolve and I am hitting a great stride with some very cool and interesting new clients that give my professional life an interesting vitality — and for this I am very grateful. But times are still challenging and the bills always seem to trump the income. Its getting better, but can’t say I’m quite there yet. Every day seems to bring a new and exciting unforseen challenge to confront — my truck breaking down, my bike falling apart, a new school (and tuition!) for my daughter, blah blah blah.
Things hit a peak last week when my truck was towed from right in front of my office? Why? I was late on renewing my registration and had a slew of unpaid parking tickets. Humiliating, right? This resulted in having to spend most of the next day visiting the DMV, the Beverly Hills Police Station and the tow yard, with a price tag of almost $1300. I suppose I could be mad, but why? It was all a result of my actions and I have to take responsibility for that. Yeah, I didn’t have the money to pay on time. But I had the money when I needed it to get the truck back. And for this I am also grateful. Plus I got to spend the day driving around spending time with my wife. An opportunity to clean up a mess that wasn’t going to go away, despite my profound ability to summon denial.
I have to look at this (and plenty of other setbacks believe me, including our electricity getting turned off for a day!)) as nothing more than growth opportunities. Yeah, it has been brutal, but this is the life I have chosen. If I were a single guy, I’d be rocking it. My business is sound, its just that my fixed overhead is massive — mortgage on my dream house, 2 cars and supporting 4 children. But the truth is that I have food on the table, a family that loves and believes in me, a career on the upswing and a lifestyle I wouldn’t trade for $1M in the bank.
But my training has suffered a bit — I’ve been focused on righting the ship and just haven’t had the ability to workout as consistently as I would prefer. I had to cancel my Wildflower trip and more training sessions than I care to remember. Then last Saturday I was meant to get out on a bike ride with my training buddies, but due to a broken derailleur, I had to call it off. I was infuriated — my Saturday rides are sacrosanct. Then today I got the news. Two of the guys I ride with were struck by a car early Saturday morning on PCH near Topanga. They were riding well within the shoulder around 6:15 am when a vehicle veered into the shoulder and clipped my friend Jeff Seabold on his Cervelo S3, sending him flying into Sean Whitely, riding just ahead. Jeff’s elbow swelled up like a grapefruit, his shoe in the middle of the road and his kit torn to shreads. Unconscious, Sean went straight to UCLA in an ambulance. It looks like both will be OK, thank God. But both were injured — a serious scare.
The point? I have no idea what’s good for me. Of course, I thought I was somehow being punished or wronged by the Universe. Why doesn’t God want me to ride today? Isn’t this what he wants me doing? And yet it couldn’t be more clear that I was spared. Had I been out that morning, I could very well have been the one hit. I prefer to look at it like I was spared. God doing for me what I can’t do for myself. Wow. What a trip. What a lesson.
And so again, I must surrender. Pay attention to the signs. Go with the flow. Stop resisting what “is” and know that there is a plan out there for me. My continuing attempts to impose my will on the situation only results in misery and frustration. Like banging my head against a concrete wall. So I need to just do what’s in front of me to do. Accept my situation and circumstances and do the best I can.
Today is a new day and I have so much to be grateful for. So much to look forward to. Good things on the horizon I can’t wait to share with you soon. And so until then…..its all about the “now”.
